


where we left off

by coffeeandcigarettesplease



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Affairs, Angst, Background Relationship, Bad Parenting, Best Friends, Brief Rey/Poe, Divorce, F/M, Homecoming, Military, Modern AU, Neighbors, Oral Sex, Pining, Possessive Kylo, Reunion, Rey cheats on Poe, Smut, veteran
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-23
Updated: 2019-11-03
Packaged: 2020-05-18 14:33:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 15,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19336486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coffeeandcigarettesplease/pseuds/coffeeandcigarettesplease
Summary: 13 year old Rey confesses her crush on Ben the night before he leaves for Basic Training. He stays away for years until his unit is blown up overseas and he’s sent home injured. The Rey he remembers has grown into a beautiful woman, and Ben will do whatever it takes to win back her heart.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Scofie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scofie/gifts).



> super soft opening chapter... don’t be fooled. This fic is for my lovely Scofie 💖💖 please find me over on twitter and chat with me @ coffeeandcigsok

  
  


No one says anything when he pilfers a beer from the red cooler. What could they say? He leaves in the morning for Fort Worth - to begin basic training, the next chapter of his life. If anyone deserves a beer - or for the  _ adults  _ to look the other way while he enjoys one - it’s Ben Solo.

  
  


It seems like the whole neighborhood has swarmed his lawn and the street in front of their home. Leia is playing the gracious hostess, as usual - offering food and beverages while her husband talks shop with the other husbands and fathers of Chandrila Avenue. It’s typical - but Leia doesn’t seem to mind, smiling and chatting as she passes out appe-teasers and napkins, stocking the long folding table with more chips and French onion dip and deviled eggs until they run out. Kids tear around, shrieking as they chase each other over the fleshy green grass Ben had cut just that morning. 

  
  


Noticeably - at least to himself - one kid in particular is missing. He sips his Bud Light - doesn’t even grimace despite the awful, watery taste - and ambles across the smooth blacktop driveway to the house next door.

  
  


The Jones’ have lived right beside the Organa-Solo’s for as long as Ben can remember. Mr. Jones is never around, always away on business trips that take him halfway across the country while his wife raises their daughter.  _ Rey _ . She’s thirteen now, her birthday two weeks before his own, and she’s the closest thing he’s ever had to a sibling. Despite the five year gap between them, they’re friends - best friends, probably. And she thinks she can skip his going away party - Ben smirks at the thought.

  
  


She’s the only person he actually  _ wants _ at this party. There’s no way he’s letting her get away with missing it.

  
  


It doesn’t take long to find her. She’s left the ladder to the attic pulled down. Heat pushes down from the stuffy top level of the house, despite the box fan she has propped in an open window, and it pulls sweat to his brow before he can even ascend the rickety steps. Sighing, he cups a hand around his mouth and calls out. “Rey! Get your skinny butt down here!” 

  
  


He waits a few moments but there’s no reply. Shaking his head, he chugs down the rest of the beer in one go before setting the empty aluminum can on the floor and climbing up. There’s a scary moment when he doesn’t think the old ladder will hold his weight, so he scoots up quickly. When his head pops through the rectangle-shaped hole in the floorboards, he finds her sprawled on her belly in front of the fan, feet kicked up behind her. 

  
  


“Oh, so you’re ignoring me.” Ben finishes the climb and stoops under the sloped rafters of the ceiling. Despite the sweltering heat, Rey had decided to turn the attic into her secret sanctuary, her go-to place when she needed an escape from everyone and everything. The only other person she allowed was  _ him _ . Ben had felt honored when she announced this, months ago, after inviting him up for the first time.

  
  


“Obviously,” Rey drawls. Her dark chestnut hair is pulled back into three buns in a row on the back of her head, damp with perspiration. He can see where the loose baby hairs cling to her neck and forehead from the sweat. She’s wearing tiny pair of cotton shorts and a sports bra, her tan skin exposed to his eyes, but it’s not like  _ Kaydel  _ or  _ Jess _ is half-naked in front of him. Rey is a kid - thirteen - and he doesn’t think about her like that. She’s like a sister, the sister he never had or wanted. Annoying, affectionate, curious. How many hours had he spent trying to teach her how to beat Crash Bandicoot, mashing buttons and cursing at the television? How many times had he let her win at Monopoly - long rainy afternoons in his parents’ basement, the board set up between them? He would give her extra money when she took a bathroom break or move her piece - the thimble, always - a few spots ahead so she wouldn’t land on any of his hotels. They had nearly grown up together, just four years apart, and she was the only person in the entire neighborhood Ben thought he would miss when he went away.

  
  


“You can’t be pissed at me. I’m leaving tomorrow,” Ben says, flopping down beside her. Somewhere, she had managed to steal a few swatches of carpet, and duct taped the bottoms to make a bit of an area run on the bare floorboards. It was better than getting a splinter, she had told him. 

  
  


“That’s  _ why _ I’m pissed at you, dummy.” She rolls her hazel eyes and turns her face towards the fan. Ben can hear the chatter and music from below, the party still going regardless of his absence. Probably, no one has even noticed. 

  
  


Ben pushes a hand through his sweaty black hair and gazes at her. Someday, he expects she will be quite lovely. He’ll have to fight the boys that try to take her out. Sweet, annoying little Rey will be a heartbreaker, he thinks. She’s tough - thanks to him. Her insults have improved greatly over the last year. She can take care of herself while he’s gone, Ben thinks sadly. He will miss her. 

  
  


“You’re mad that I’m leaving?” Ben asks, nudging her shoulder gently with his own. Rey sticks out her tongue and turns up her freckled nose, as though she’s too good to answer his simple question. Ben pokes her in the ribs. “You’re not mad. You’re just jealous that I'm getting out of here and you’ll be stuck another five years.” 

  
  


Rey doesn’t say anything for a long moment. She gazes at him, something indistinguishable in her not quite brown, not quite green eyes. She looks  _ older _ somehow, as though she’d grown and matured in the span of a few seconds. It’s unsettling; Ben leans back to study her further as she looks at him and chews her plumo, chapped lips.

  
  


“I want to tell you something. But I don’t want you to get weirded out,” Rey mumbles. She rolls onto her back and covers her face with her hands. The air - hot and stuffy despite the fan - seems heavier now. Ben swallows and waits, unsure of what could be coming. That was one of the things he liked about Rey - she’s unpredictable. Imaginative. But it feels more serious now in a way that he can’t explain, even to himself.

  
  


“Well… go on.” 

  
  


She sighs. “I somehow have developed a crush on you - and I know, I’m just some dumb kid. I know you’re too old for me. But I can’t help but feel - I feel like you should know. Before you leave.” Rey’s flushed face grows even darker and Ben feels a bubble of guilt  _ pop _ in his stomach. Whatever he has been expecting - it wasn’t  _ this _ .

  
  


“Rey, I -”

  
  


“Something could happen to you before I got the chance to tell you! So I just had to!” she exclaims, peeling her hands away from her face and staring at him imploringly. “Please, don’t be mad, Ben. I didn’t mean for it to happen - and it’s so  _ stupid _ , and embarrassing…” She looks on the verge of tears. He  _ hates _ when she cries, so Ben quickly puts his big hands on her slender, freckled shoulders and gives a gentle shake.

  
  


“Rey, it’s okay - please, don’t cry,” he begs her. The beer is making him feel softer, and warmth that has nothing to do with external temperature creeps up his neck. “It’s okay, if you have a crush on me. I’m not - I’m not mad, or anything.” 

  
  


“Promise?” she asks, voice thick with emotion.

  
  


“Promise. How could I be mad at you?” He chuckles as she rolls her eyes and fights a smile. “I  _ am _ pretty great, after all.”

  
  


She swats at him half-heartedly. “Don’t make me regret telling you, Ben. I mean it. I’ll cancel my crush and start checking Hux out.” She laughs as he pretends to gag and they both fall onto their sweaty backs. Hux would be an even  _ worse _ choice of guy to crush on, Ben thinks. Mainly because he wouldn’t do anything to discourage her, and  he probably would reciprocate. The guy is a leech, and he starts finding the words to tell her that, when Rey goes on. “You’re just… you’re always there for me. No matter what I need. And I want to thank you for that… I’m sorry I’m being a brat,” she adds softly. “I just don’t want you to leave me.” 

  
  


“I’m not leaving you,” Ben promises. “I’ll be back.” 

  
  


“That’s not what it feels like,” Rey insists. “It feels like you’re leaving, and you’ll never come back. You’ll forget all about me, find some hot Army girl to marry -”

  
  


“Rey, slow down! You’re thirteen. I’m  _ eighteen _ . The last thing we should be thinking about is marriage,” Ben says with a laugh. She shoots him a glare that makes him suck in a breath - her eyes are expressive and right now,  _ deadly  _ serious. He sighs, and tries again. “I’m just saying. Finish middle school, and we’ll talk about marriage when I come home on my next leave.” 

  
  


“ _ Fine _ ,” Rey replies. “But there is something I - I want to task before you go.” 

  
  


“Anything,” Ben says with an easy shrug. He would do  _ anything _ for this girl, after all. Maybe she’s  _ not _ his little sister, maybe that’s a good thing. When she grows up, who the hell knows what could happen between them? Ben is positive she’ll be drop dead gorgeous, despite the awkward phase she’s growing out of now. Her limbs don’t match her height and she doesn’t seem to know what to do with them half the time. But she’s just a kid, there’s time to grow.  _ Lots and lots of time _ .

  
  


“I want you to be my first kiss,” she says, quickly, in a rush to get out before she loses her nerve. Rey licks her lips and tucks a loose, damp lock of hair behind her ear before her gaze drops to his mouth. Ben suddenly feels them begin to tingle, as though her gaze is a physical thing. 

  
  


“Rey…” 

  
  


“Please, Ben. I want you to be my first  _ real _ kiss.” Her eyes take on that puppy-dog quality that always makes him cave, but this is different. They’ve hugged before - they’ve shared a sleeping bag in his backyard, camping out under the stars when they were young and sleeping on the ground was considered fun and adventurous instead of painful and punishment. They’ve never had physical boundaries when it came to touching, but this… this means something, this feels different. “Please?” her voice has the littlest whine to it.

  
  


He chews his cheek thoughtfully before nodding. Why not? She would certainly kiss boys in the future, and Ben cares for her - the depth of which he’s never explored, but is beginning to realize… maybe deeper than he thinks. 

  
  


“Close your eyes,” he instructs, and Rey quickly obeys. She looks adorable -  _ painfully sweet - _ waiting expectantly for him to close the distance between them. It makes his chest ache. He will  _ miss _ her, miss  _ this.  _ Stolen time with Rey. Taking a breath, he leans forward and their shoulders brush. He watches as her brow crinkles in concentration, anticipation. Then he lets his eyes fall shut and presses his full mouth against her own.

  
  


Something in his stomach churns pleasantly, the few seconds of their kiss. It’s brief - he doesn’t dare deepen it with his tongue - but so achingly sweet and soft that he almost feels like crying. 

  
  


Ben pulls back to stare at Rey. She keeps her eyes shut as though she’s savoring the moment, then her lashes flutter open and hazel eyes peered back at him. 

  
  


“My mouth is tingling,” she says. Ben inhales sharply at her admission, something slow and hot building low in his pelvis. He needs to get back to the party - away from Rey - before he loses control of himself. She smiles at him, precious and adoring. It’s dizzying.

  
  


“Come on. Let’s go eat and see if I can sneak you a wine cooler.” Ben tried to act nonchalant, as though his world isn’t tilting on its axis. Rey grins and hops up, her the small globes of her breasts bouncing in her little bra. 

  
  


“Let me grab a shirt.” She heads down the ladder as he takes a few steadying breaths. 

  
  


He leaves tomorrow. It won’t be a problem. But Rey has shifted in his mind - no longer a little girl, but the delicate budding of an almost woman - and its dangerous. It  _ would  _ be dangerous, anyway - but he’s leaving. He won’t have time to think about much of anything at basic and that in itself is a comfort right now.

  
  


“Come on, Ben!” she calls up to him. Ben scrubs a hand over his face before traipsing down the swaying ladder. He tries his best to shut the torrid thoughts from his mind and pastes on a grin as he follows her downstairs and out the kitchen door, into the dwindling evening sunlight, to the party. 


	2. Chapter 2

Rey is perched in the window of her attic when Ben comes home. 

  
  


It’s winter and she’s freezing, despite being bundled in a big slouchy sweater and flannel pajama pants. Christmas vacation is almost over, the new year only a day before, and snow covers everything like a fluffy white blanket. Kids drag sleds down the plowed clean streets towards the park, where a small sloping hill serves as their summit. She’s trying to fight her way through Great Expectations but it’s so stuffy and dry. 

  
  


Watching as Ben exits the taxi outside of his parents’ home is far more interesting.

  
  


She bites her lip as she watches him unfold from the backseat and gasps softly. Even under his puffy jacket, she can tell that he’s  _ huge _ now. He was always tall, lanky and built like a swimmer with long limbs and lean muscle. But he seems wider now, taking up more room, and his dark hair is long enough to hide his oversized ears. She saw his official portrait from the Army, with his head shaved and his ears sticking out - but that was four years ago, and she can see that he’s changed.

  
  


Part of her wants to bang on the window and call out to him, so that he will see her. Another part of her wants to bury her face in her hands and  _ cry _ . Especially as he swings the heavy looking duffle bag over his shoulder and starts up to the house, limping slightly on his right side. 

  
  


_ He’s hurt _ . Salty tears sting the back of her eyes and she sniffles, dog-earing one page of her worn paperback and tossing it to the floor. Rey can’t help but watch as he takes his time over the snowy walkway and up the porch stairs, knuckles white as he tightly grips the strap of his luggage. 

  
  


_ What happened to him?  _ She can’t imagine. She only knows that he was in Iraq for a long time, years - whether it was voluntary or not, she wouldn’t know. He never sent her a single letter, never replied to the ones that she sent him. Rey wonders if he even received them, or if he was too much a coward to reply.  She never bothered to ask Leia if he talked about her, never wanted to be a bother to a woman whose son was doing much more important things. She had enough to worry about without Rey pestering her.

  
  


And Han… well. Does Ben even know that his father is dead?

  
  


It makes her chest ache. She clenches her hands into fists and her short nails dig crescent marks into the heel of her palms. The pain is distracting, but good - external pain is always easier to deal with than internal. Slowly, tears slide down her cheeks and Rey sniffles.  _ Poor Ben _ . 

  
  


She’s so stupid to think he would have time for her while defending their country at war. Like he would even have  _ time _ to respond to her letters or remember her, or that stupid kiss she had begged him for when she was just a child. He must have thought she was so silly, so childish - asking him to give her her first kiss. Rey blushes hard at the memory and ignores the way her lips tingle in response to it. Just as they had, all those years ago. 

  
  


Maybe he was too kind and too soft to tell her no all those years ago. She wonders if he’s still the same as he had been back then, when they were kids playing video games and watching movies together in the cool depths of his parents’ basement. When the world was so much simpler, her problems like ant hills compared to the mountains they are now. 

  
  


She misses those times desperately. Just being around Ben when she was younger was enough to brighten her whole day. Seeing him now - and not even well, because he has the hood of his jacket up and she can barely even make out his face and hair - makes her heart beat harder for some reason. She watches until he disappears into the house and shakes her head, wiping away the few tears that have escaped her eyes. It’s nothing to  _ cry _ over, she should be jumping for joy! Ben is safe, he’s home in one piece. Some soldiers aren’t so lucky, Rey knows. But something like uneasiness settles in her stomach as she turns away from the window, chewing her chapped lip.

  
  


It won’t be the same as it was when she was young. She’s sure that neither of them are the same people they were five years ago. But maybe… maybe they can be friends again. Maybe they can spend long afternoons playing Spyro on the old Playstation, maybe she can beat him  _ for real _ at Monopoly instead of him letting her win. Maybe they can be close again - the hopeful thought makes her smile slightly, until her phone vibrates from inside her pocket. She pulls it out and checks her notifications.

 

**_Poe_ **

Still on tonight, doll?

  
  


_ Right. Of course _ . Scrubbing her hands over her face, Rey sighs and nods. She needs to get ready if she’s going to be on time for their date.

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


The house is suffocating. Ben slips out onto the front porch with a pack of smokes and his lighter, hugging his coat around his body tight to fight the chill. The sun has long ago sank into the horizon and the night air is crisp, frozen, and makes his lungs ache. But it’s better than being hovered over by his mother, watched like a wild dog that may lash out at any moment. 

  
  


Sighing, he presses a filter between his lips and lights up. It’s a bad habit, he knows. But better than half the shit his crew got up to over there. 

  
  


If things had gone Ben’s way, he would still be over there, fighting alongside his soldiers. Taking down the bad guys. It was exhausting work, terrifying - knowing any moment they could be rushed by a suicide bomber or taken down by a sniper. Blown up by an IED - which, in the end, had been what happened. Their truck was blown sky high, and Ben was one of the few that made it out with his life. 

  
  


They say he’s  _ lucky. _ Ben doesn’t feel lucky, though. What made  _ him _ so special that he didn’t perish like the rest? Why did he get to live, while the others didn’t? 

  
  


He shakes his head and stares at the shiney row of icicles hanging from the roof of the porch, glinting in the streetlights. Ben didn’t miss winter, not much at least - he’s so used to the warm now that he had forgotten the pain that accompanies cold. His right knee aches with it, despite his pain killers, and he grimaces as he shifts himself into the unsteady porch swing. It wobbles as he settles, tapping the ash off his smoke. 

  
  


Being home feels strange. Leia is treating him like a child again, hovering. He knows that she’s worried. Ben supposes she should be. It’s been five years, and he stayed away for a reason. It was easy to lose himself in the job, feeling needed, feeling important, having a purpose. It feels like there’s nothing here for him. What is he supposed to do with special training in combat? Work the fryer at McDonald’s? Become a hitman? And with his bum leg, it’s not like the options are vast.

  
  


He’s lost in these thoughts when an old Civic hums down the road, coming to a squeaky stop in front of the Jones’ house. Ben blinks in surprise as he watches a girl exit the car - tall and slender in an emerald green pea coat. Long brown hair falls over her shoulders in waves as she leans against the car to talk to whomever is inside it. When she straightens up, something makes her glance his way. Ben inhales sharply at the pretty face turned towards him.

  
  


It’s  _ Rey.  _ But it can’t be, because this… this isn’t a scrawny kid with messy hair and freckles all over her face. She says something before shutting the car door, then turns and strides over the shoveled-clean sidewalk towards his house. 

  
  


He hits his cigarette again and exhales slowly as she approaches him. 

  
  


“Hey,” she says. Her voice is a little deeper, rich and warm. Ben blinks at her - he can’t believe his eyes. She’s grown up, she’s gorgeous, even in the dim porch light. “You’re back.”

  
  


“I’m back,” Ben echoes. The last time he saw Rey they were up in her attic, sweaty and young, and he  _ kissed  _ her. Her first kiss, and it belongs to him. 

  
  


“Been a long time,” she says, shifting her weight from foot to foot. Is she as nervous as he is? 

  
  


“Five years,” he says with a nod. He should - he should say something, right? Maybe? He’s lost for words in her pretty face and how  _ old  _ she seems to him. How grown. He had been right about her, growing up to be so beautiful. How had he forgotten?

  
  


“I’m a senior,” she says. “I turned eighteen. My parents got a divorce.” Rey tucks a strand of hair behind her ear and smiles at him shyly. “A lot has changed.”

  
  


Ben nods. His father is dead and he missed the funeral. He had the chance to leave, but… staying was easier. He never said goodbye. His chest tightens and he fights the guilt that bubbles up from his stomach.  _ Everything has changed.  _

  
  


“I missed you,” Rey offers, eyebrows raised in some expression - she expects something from him, but Ben can’t begin to understand  _ what _ . 

  
  


He hits his smoke for the final time and stubs it out under his boot. “Yeah? Can’t imagine why.”

  
  


“You were my best friend,” she says in a small voice. “Of course I missed you. Didn’t you miss me?”

  
  


Their eyes lock and Ben can’t breathe. She’s too pretty - it’s too much, being back here where people have these expectations of him, where there are things he’s supposed to do and say but he’s not the same Ben anymore, he’s not the same person he was when they were kids. He’s got blood on his hands, he’s killed and nearly  _ been killed.  _ It’s hard to breathe and he has to tear his eyes away, breathing hard through his nose as she stares at him. Waiting, waiting for something he isn’t sure that he can give.

  
  


“Yeah,” he mumbles, dragging himself up off the swing with a wince of pain. His knee throbs hot under his jeans. “Yeah, Rey. Of course I did.” And then he passes by her, leaving her alone on the porch, and ducks inside. 

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


She peels off her jeans and sweater and slides beneath her heavy winter quilt. For some reason, tears spring to her eyes, and Rey fights them. It had been a nice evening with Poe - burgers and strawberry milkshakes before the new superhero movie he was into - but seeing Ben has her feeling something, an ache in her stomach of sadness and longing.

  
  


He’s changed. Of course he has - she has too. But there’s something cold and distant about him that makes her want to sob. Something closed off that was once open to her. 

  
  


Ben isn’t the same guy she had spent hours daydreaming about. He’s not the same guy that would patiently show her cheat codes or help with her math homework. This Ben - the Ben that came home - isn’t  _ her Ben  _ anymore. 

  
  


He looks the same - except for the scar running down his right cheek - handsome as ever. His dark hair is longer now and he has a beard, but it suits him. Rey wonders what it would feel like against her face if they were to kiss again - but that’s silly. How could they kiss when he could barely look at her? When he practically ran away from her, leaving her all alone on the snowy porch? 

  
  


She shouldn’t be thinking of him like this, not at all. Not when she has a sweet, funny boyfriend in her own grade that holds her hand and doesn’t push her for more than she’s ready for. Poe is safe, he makes her feel cared for and precious. Ben illicit some turbulent, wild feeling inside of her that she can’t grab onto, can’t control. It reminds her of a carnival ride they had gone on together, one that spun around and around and all she could do was cling to Ben as he laughed. He was never scared of anything. But now - now it felt as though he was frightened of her. 

  
  


Her hands tremble as she swipes away the tears that track down her cheeks. She wonders for a moment if he even noticed that she’s grown, that she’s taller and grown womanly curves. Does he still see her as a lonely kid, whose parents were too busy to pay attention? Did he even know the lonely hole in her heart that he had filled back then?

  
  


_ Get ahold of yourself, _ Rey thinks. She takes a few deep, shuddery breaths. Whatever hopes she had for Ben’s return were certainly dashed, and she will have to adjust her expectations. Some things, she supposes as she settles under the blankets with a hiccup, just aren’t meant to be. 


	3. Chapter 3

He’s spying on her.

  
  


Maybe not  _ spying _ , since he isn’t hidden.

  
  


It’s pathetic, whatever it is that he’s doing. 

  
  


Rey is bundled up so it’s not as though he can really  _ see _ anything but the heavens dropped six inches of snow overnight and the young brunette is out front, moving snow from their walkway under the bright winter sun. 

  
  


He should be the one out there, taking care of the elements. He’s a man, and outdoor chores are the man of the house’s job. Except he  _ can’t,  _ because of his fucking leg. So he’s standing in the doorway, sipping coffee and watching her like some perverted housecat. Because even though he can’t see much, Ben can see enough.

  
  


She’s wearing skinny jeans that could be painted on her long, toned legs. Her jacket and scarf obscure her top half, but he can see the curve of her pert bottom as she hefts piles of heavy white snow off the sidewalk. Her dark hair is loose under a knit cap and her cheeks, peeking over the scarf, are pink. 

  
  


“She’s a good kid,” Leia says fondly, making Ben gasp and jump, startled. 

  
  


“Jesus, Mom! Don’t sneak up on me!” His heart thuds hard and fast as a hummingbird’s wings in his chest and he shoots the small woman a glare. She sheepishly smiles. 

  
  


“Sorry. Didn’t mean to scare you.” She squeezes his arm and Ben sighs through his nose. She doesn’t know - how  _ could  _ she? Being hyper aware at all times is how he stayed alive in Iraq, and the littlest things would set him off. But it also kept him - and his platoon - alive.

  
  


“She’s… older,” Ben says finally, turning his gaze back to where she shovels.

  
  


“Ever since your father… she’s started doing things around the house for me. I’ve tried to repay her but the only thing she’ll accept is my no-bake cookies,” Leia adds with a laugh. Ben glances at her from the corner of his eye, noting the strands of silver that blend in with the brown. There are deeper lines around her eyes now but she still seems so full of spirit. It’s exhausting. “You have an appointment with Paige today,” she reminds him.

  
  


Ben sags. He's been set up for therapy with a young doctor - his age, maybe - that came highly recommended. Another vet, someone that will  _ understand what he’s been through.  _ It’s a waste of time. He’s fine. Anyone in his shoes would have nightmares too, and anxiety.  _ Guilt.  _ War isn’t for the weak.

  
  


“Gonna take a shower,” Ben grunts, taking one last look at Rey as she pauses to swipe a gloved hand over her brow. It should be him out there shoveling, not her - he shoves down his disappointment and turns away, dodging around his mother to jog upstairs and lock himself into the bathroom. 

  
  


The room is done in blue and white, silver faucets and a little frosted-glass window overlooking the driveway between his home and the Jones’ house. Ben pushes back the curtain and turns on the tap, letting the water turn scalding hot. He can hear the scrape of Rey’s snow shovel from down below, picks up the slow rhythm of it. For some reason, it’s infuriating - that he can hear her, therefore call her image to mind, doing a job that he’s supposed to be doing. Growling, he nearly rips his olive V-neck over his head and off, yanks down his gray sweatpants. The soft pink scar is raised down his leg and the tendons and nerves the surgeons had reattached beneath protest his movements. 

  
  


“ _ Fuck, _ ” he gasps, lowering himself into the lip of the tub. He breathes hard for a few moments until the anger recedes into something manageable. Finally, Ben rids himself of his underwear and hobbles into the shower, jerking the curtain shut behind him. The water beats against his skin, hot and relentless, and he stands motionless under the spray. 

  
  


He can hardly take care of himself. He can barely function. And he’s pissed about it - so pissed that it’s hard to think of very much else. The pain and anger, mixed with the guilt and confusion of surviving when so many others didn’t is impossible to understand. He can’t wrap his head around any of it. 

  
  


With a restless sound, Ben begins to wash himself. It’s going to be a long day.

  
  
  


****

  
  
  


“Rey!” 

  
  


Leia’s voice calling to her makes her pause. She feels sweaty and gross under all her layers, but her feet are thankfully dry due to her waterproof duck boots. They might be hideous, but Rey knows that it’s worse to have squishy, wet, frozen feet all day than to wear ugly shoes. Standing on the porch in a nice wool coat, Leia has her purse hanging from one shoulder and her dark brown hair pulled back into one of her typical, intricate buns. She always looks so polished. 

  
  


Rey’s mother rarely gets out of bed, let alone showers or dresses. Her wardrobe is mainly sweats and old T-shirt’s that belonged to her father before he left. It’s… really  _ fucking  _ depressing. But it’s Rey’s job to put on a good face and keep up appearances. Pretend that everything isn’t threatening to collapse in on them. 

  
  


“Hey,” Rey says. She’s almost to their porch steps. She wanted to get it done early, so Ben wouldn’t have to fight his way through the knee-high drifts. 

  
  


“Can you do me a favor today? That is, if you aren’t busy?” Leia asks, and Rey feels something loosen in her chest.

  
  


“Yes, of course. It’s still winter break, so I’m free all day,” she adds helpfully. Rey likes to be useful. She likes to feel needed. Even if it’s inconvenient for  _ her _ , Rey will agree to help anyone out. 

  
  


Leia grins, pleased. “There’s an emergency at the library. I need you to drive Ben to his doctor’s appointment. Do you mind, sweetheart?”

  
  


Instantly, her cheeks go brighter than they are from the cold. Rey swallows nervously. After last night, and the cold way he treated her, she should say no. But - maybe she is too much an optimist, too hopeful - Rey thinks it could be a good chance for him to apologize. Blame it on the weather or his meds, anything. She wants to give him a chance to start over. 

  
  


“Yes, I can do that. Let me finish the walk and change,” she says.

  
  


“You’re a saint, Rey. Thank you so much.” Leia smiles and turns back inside. Quickly, Rey finishes the walkway and turns back to jog over to her house. Inside, her reflection is clammy and pink-cheeked from exertion, her hair a sweaty mess from under her cap. She settles for dry leggings and an oversized hoodie, braids her hair over her shoulder, thinks about makeup -

  
  


Then she stops. It’s not a  _ date. _ She’s chauffeuring him to a doctor’s appointment. The way her heart is fluttering in her chest is wrong - she thinks of Poe’s handsome, grinning face and shakes her head. That’s  _ not  _ the kind of girl she is - dropping one guy because another showed up. Yes, she  _ had  _ feelings for Ben. But she was a child then! All she wants now is to be his friend. To be close, like they were before. Shaking her head, she pushed away from the bathroom sink and headed downstairs.

  
  


“Where are you going?” Mom asks from the couch. She’s barely awake and only lifts her head when Rey peeks into the room. It smells of dirty hair and unwashed body, stale cigarette scent hanging in the air. 

  
  


“Errand for Leia. Need anything, while I’m out?” Rey asks hopefully. But her mother shakes her head and reaches for the remote, relaxing back onto the couch once again. Rey sighs to herself and grabs the car keys off the hook by the door. 

  
  


At least when she’s with Ben, it’s hard to think about anything else. 

  
  


He’s waiting on the porch as she backs the old VW Jetta down the driveway. He eyes it suspiciously and Rey feels the urge to hop out and open the door for him; she’s halfway around to the passenger side when he rolls his caramel eyes towards the overcast sky. 

  
  


“I can open the door!” he exclaims, reaching for the handle.

  
  


Rey pauses mid step. “Oh. Ok. You just … were standing there, I wasn’t sure.” 

  
  


“How long have you had your license?” Ben asks as he jerks the door open. 

  
  


“A year.” She smirks as she hears him grumble under his breath. It feels so much like before he left in that moment, her anxieties melted away. 

  
  


“Please, please don’t kill me. I didn’t survive the war to be killed by a teenage girl,” he says. 

  
  


“I’m a legal adult,” she reminds him after both have settled in their seats and buckled their belts. She turns the engine over and smiles at him, at how uneasy he seems in the passenger seat. “I got one hundred percent on my written  _ and  _ my practical exam. I’m an excellent driver.”

  
  


Ben doesn’t seem too confident but they have somewhere to be, so Rey backs down the driveway after dramatically checking each direction for oncoming traffic. She reaches to turn up the radio but Ben swats her hand away.

  
  


“Please, just concentrate,” he says in a shaky voice.

  
  


“Fine.” Rey nods once. “Where are we going?”

  
  


“The Veteran’s Hospital on East Michigan,” Ben says, closing his eyes as she winds through the neighborhood to the main fairway that cuts through town.  Rey notices the way he clings with both hands to his seatbelt, crumpling the strap between white knuckles. 

  
  


“Are you okay?” she asks, coming to a full stop at the sign.

  
  


“I don’t like driving,” he says in a stilted tone. 

  
  


“Ok. I’ll get you there in one piece Ben, promise,” she adds. She rests her hand palm up on the console between their seats and watches, patiently, as he unwinds a hand and places it in Rey’s. His is massive, swallowing hers up. But it feels warm and right, palms pressed together. “I got you, Ben.”

  
  


His eyes flick up to meet hers. Rey is startled by the depth of trust in them. “Thank you,” he murmurs. 

  
  


Rey just nods, checks for cars, and turns onto the road. She resolves to be what he needs as much as she can as he squeezes her hand tightly. They make it safely to the hospital, a tall brick building with a definite  _ institutional  _ style, a remnant of the seventies. 

  
  


“Stay here,” Ben commands. “It'll be about an hour. Then I’ll be back.”

  
  


“Okay.” Rey nods. She can easily kill an hour. She still has to finish Great Expectations, after all. Ben purses his lips together and nods before releasing her hand and exiting the car. She watches his back until he disappears induce, and exhales a gusty sigh once he’s out of sight. 

  
  


He seems so closed off. Wound up tight. Rey chews her lip as she wonders what he went through, what makes him this way now. When they were kids… well, he was  _ different. _ Playful and fun. Rey can barely recognize the man he’s become. And Jesus, when did he get so hot? Since when does she like beards and shaggy hair? Her stomach churns pleasantly as she considers his wide frame filling up the seat beside her and the heavy heat of his hand on top of her own.

  
  


She presses her thighs tightly together and thinks -  _ maybe some things haven’t changed that much.  _ Ben still manages to make her feel flustered and hot in the face. Even if nothing else is the same. 

  
  


Rey tries to read Great Expectations but her mind keeps wandering back to Ben. She checks her Twitter and watches a couple Tik Toks until suddenly he’s yanking the car door open and folding himself into the passenger seat. He looks disheveled and his hair is a mess like he’s been running his hands through it repeatedly. He sighs warily as Rey starts the engine.

  
  


“Everything okay?” She offers him her hand again.

  
  


Instead of replying, he takes her hand in his and presses his head back against the seat and closes his eyes. “Let’s just get home.”

  
  


Rey nods to herself and follows his instruction. She can get them there. 


	4. Chapter 4

Ben seems sad, so the only thing Rey can think to do is grab the old Playstation and drag it - and all of the cords and controllers and games - next door the following morning. She can’t describe the sudden motivation she woke with, sunlight streaming through her bedroom window at seven AM. Only that she  _ knew _ , somehow, that she needed to do something.

  
  


He’ll probably laugh at her. Say that she’s dumb for thinking a grown man like him, one that’s been to war and blown up and nearly been  _ killed _ for their country, would want to play Crash Bandicoot or NASCAR racing. But she bundles it up in a plastic bag and slips on her boots and trudges next door all the same.

  
  


Leia answers the door with a surprised - but wide - grin. “Rey! Good morning, sweetheart. Can I …” She eyes the bag of video games. “Can I help you?”

  
  


“Ben seemed bummed out after his doctor’s appointment,” she says, lifting the bag slightly with a shy smile. Even Leia must be thinking she’s silly. “I thought maybe some nostalgia would cheer him up.” 

  
  


The older woman softens immediately. She’s aged quite a bit since Ben left and Han passed away, but she’s still as lovely and spirited as Rey remembers from her childhood. Her dark hair is always woven into braids and buns, pulled back off her face, and her dark brown eyes dance with mischief as she nods. “Of course, come right in. He’s down in the basement right now.” 

  
  


“Should I just head down?” Rey asks as she toes off her boots. She’s wearing sweats and a baggy sweatshirt again, her lazy day clothes. There are only a few days left of winter break and then it’ll be back to jeans and nice blouses to impress her boyfriend and friends at school, waking up early to put on makeup and straighten her hair so that she looks perfect. She’s discovered the secret to covering up anything is to look so nice that no one questions you. So long as she looks put together, keeps her grades up, and has the most popular boyfriend in school, it’s easier to pretend that things at home are just as idealistic.

  
  


“Go ahead,” Leia says cheerfully. Rey nods and winds her way down the long hallway. She knows the Organa-Solo household almost as well as her own, after all these years. The hallway is lined with portraits and candid shots of the family from when Ben was a baby all the way up until his portrait for the Army. He looks so handsome in his uniform, even though there’s no way to hide his satellite-dish ears. Rey grins as she stares at it before nudging open the basement door and heading down the carpeted stairs.

  
  


Ben is sprawled on the sofa watching ESPN. He glances up, eyebrows lifted in surprise, as Rey hits the landing.

  
  


“Hey,” she says.

  
  


“Hi?” he responds, looking bewildered.

  
  


Nervous suddenly, Rey tucks a lock of chestnut hair behind her ear and swings the bag idly. “Feeling up to some company?” 

  
  


“I’m not  _ sick _ ,” Ben replies, brows furrowing down and closing off his expression. She quickly shakes her head.

  
  


“I  _ know _ . I just meant, are you ready to get your butt kicked in some racing?” She grins and he actually does too, looking surprised but pleased as she saunters across the carpet to plop down on the opposite end of the couch. The basement had always been their spot, the place to get away from the grown ups in their lives and just hang out. Han always called it the “rumpus room,” which was a very  _ dad  _ thing of him to do. He was around more than her own had ever been, and Rey had loved the man dearly. Even when he and Ben would fight, and Rey would  _ always _ take Ben’s side, she couldn’t help trying to see Mr. Solo’s point of view too.

  
  


“I can’t believe you still have this,” Ben says, tugging the plastic bag into his lap and pawing through the plastic game cases. He holds up the first Crash Bandicoot game and his whole face lights up. He looks like the Ben she remembers for the briefest of moments.

  
  


“Believe me, I logged a lot of hours on this baby once you left. I think your Dad got tired of finding me down here and finally gave it to me,” Rey says with a giggle. She remembers Han’s overly exasperated expression on the afternoon he told her to take the console home - so put out, but over-acting.

 

“I’m glad you got some use out of it. I’ll definitely play,” he adds with enthusiasm. Rey nods and hops up, quickly hooking all of the cables into place and plugging the system into the wall. The controller cords stretch to the ugly orange sofa and she smiles at the sight of Ben looking so eager to do something. 

  
  


After yesterday, she thinks she would have done anything to make him feel better. 

  
  


On the drive home, his face had been shadowed and forlorn. He stared out the window and held onto her hand as she navigated them through town, squinting against the brilliant sunlight reflecting on the snow. He had seemed uneasy,  _ sad  _ \- and it made her heart ache fiercely. Rey hates seeing anyone down, but especially those she cares deeply about. It’s what makes living with her mother so difficult these days. It wouldn’t be so bad if it was  _ just _ the depression, but it feels like there’s nothing she can do to help it. And feeling helpless, feeling so small and so useless, makes it hard for her to breathe.

  
  


The console boots up and Ben idly clicks at the buttons as they disk plays. Rey tries not to watch from the corner of her eye, but it’s so difficult - she wants to read his every expression and memorize them for later interpretation. Is he looking at her? Does he notice how much she’s grown, that she’s shaped like a woman now instead of a child? And does he see the way that she looks at him - like he’s a man now, attractive and long and muscular. His big hands on the gaming controller makes her mouth go dry and her chest feel fluttery. 

  
  


Poe never makes her feel like this. So hyper-aware. She wonders if there might be something wrong with her, but thinks… maybe it’s just remnants of her childhood crush sneaking back into her heart and head. Something left over, something she needs to get out of her system. Whatever it is, Rey kind of likes it - though she would never admit that much out loud.

  
  


“Every other level?” Ben asks, drawing her out of her thoughts. “That’s how we used to do it, right?” 

  
  


“Every other level is good with me. You start,” she adds. Rey drops her controller into her lap and reclines back against the couch. Ben eases into the game, but it’s like riding a bicycle. Before long, they’re demolishing each stage and passing off, back and forth, until hours have crept by without either of them noticing. It’s been so  _ fun _ , Rey didn’t have time to think to check her phone. She enjoys the moment, laughing with Ben as he falls into an abyss or when she gets blown up by a nitro box. It’s like being a kid, but better - Ben was cute then, but he’s ten times more attractive now and Rey can’t help but feel lit up like a Christmas tree around him.

  
  


Once they get halfway through the game, Ben yawns. “Let’s put on a movie or something,” he suggests. Rey nods - she’s happy he’s not kicking her out. She settles on the couch as he thumbs through the shelf of DVDs before holding up a copy of Napoleon Dynamite. Another one of her childhood favorites. Rey grins slowly, nodding. 

  
  


“I haven’t seen this one in years,” she says, curling up to rest her head on the arm of the sofa. 

  
  


“Me either,” Ben replies. He grins back at her, showing his pearly, slightly crooked teeth. Her heart constricts in her chest - gosh, how did he get so good looking? He’s aging like fine wine, like her best friend Rose would say. Not that Rey drinks wine, but she thinks the saying fits him well. The older he gets, the more handsome and rugged he is. She likes the stubble that shades his defined jaw and how massive he is. Wide and strong. Like he could protect her from anything.

  
  


Barely ten minutes into the movie, her eyelids grow heavy. Rey doesn’t try to fight it - she’s so comfortable here, with Ben, in one of her favorite places in the world. She lets sleep claim her, relaxed and peaceful, knowing Ben would let nothing happen to her.

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


When the Vote for Pedro scene comes on, Ben glances over to see that Rey has fallen asleep. She breathes slow and even, rhythmically, and for a moment he just watches her. He’s jealous - sleep doesn’t come easy to him anymore. He has to fight for it every night, and most times is still woken up with nightmares about his time in Iraq. The sound of screaming mothers looking for their children in the wake of a bombing or shootout. The wine of drones and the unease when things got too quiet. Nightmares of broken, bloody bodies and the stench of death. Ben hates it, would do anything to get rid of this plague on his mind. But there’s nothing but time and therapy and medication. 

  
  


He watches her sleep and wonders what Rey dreams of. Probably nice things.  _ Hopefully nice things. _

  
  


Does she dream of him?

  
  


Without her attention on him, Ben studies her. She was always a cute kid, but has grown more lovely than he ever expected. Her skin is smooth and golden, still faintly dotted with freckles, and her eyelashes are dark against her high cheekbones. Her features are delicate, feminine, pretty. He wishes he could reach out and trace a finger over the line of her jaw, her pointed little chin, but fears himself too ham-handed and clumsy to do it right.

  
  


It was sweet of her to think of him, to bring her video games over and spend time with him. Ben hadn’t expected that. Aren’t teenagers supposed to be selfish and whiny brats? Hadn’t  _ he  _ been a selfish and whiny brat all those years ago? Instead, Ben finds her to be even sweeter than he remembers and fun to be around. She laughs so freely, so openly, showing all her little teeth. It’s the first time, in a long time, that he’s not thinking about the war or bothered by his leg. Just living in the moment with Rey and Crash Bandicoot and the simple happiness of playing a game, focusing on a shared goal. It feels  _ really  _ good and Ben wishes it could last forever.

  
  


He watches her chest rise and fall. The slouchy sweatshirt she had worn over is discarded on the floor and he can just make out the curve of her breasts under the thin material of her T-shirt. He blushes even as he stares, watching her breathe. Her body is long and slender, toned too - she must play a sport now, or maybe it’s from her kind shoveling and other acts of generosity. 

  
  


She really  _ is _ a woman now, he thinks, unable to tear his gaze away from her tits. Her little nipples press against the material and his mouth waters. What he wouldn’t give to see them, take them between his lips and taste them. How long has it been since he was with a woman?  _ Too long _ . Ben licks his lips and leans back against the couch, attempting to shift his gaze. It only travels lower, her narrow waist and flat tummy, where her sweats are tight on her pert bottom. She’s curled up on her right, legs tucked to the side, and he can make out her ass through her sweats, see the line of her panties. God, she’s in high school - she’s one of his oldest friends - he should  _ not _ be thinking about her like this.

  
  


But he is - he can’t help it. Rey is gorgeous, whether he wants to think so or not, it’s the truth. Something deep inside of him seems to awaken - stretching, yawning, taking in Rey’s slight form beside him appreciatively. It stirs low heat between his hips, and he shuts his eyes before his cock can awaken as well.

  
  


Ben combs a hand through his dark hair and pauses the movie. If she’s going to nap, maybe he could try to. Having her there might help with his sleep and dream problems. Nothing bad could happen around Rey, Ben thinks, tipping his head back to rest on the back of the couch. He lets his eyes drift shut, pointedly not imagining what her perfect breasts might look like under her T-shirt. He lets out a long breath, and soon sleep claims him, too.


	5. Chapter 5

Rey wakes with a start, jerking upright on the old couch. Ben is beside her, playing more video games, and he flashes a smile as she scrubs at her eyes. 

 

“How long was I out?” she asks.

 

“Couple hours. Seemed like you needed it,” Ben says. His fingers mash the buttons as the Bandicoot dodges bad guys. Rey can’t help but smile before she digs her phone out of her pocket. She groans at the missed texts and phone calls she’d slept through. “Something wrong?” Ben’s eyebrows lift on his brow and she shakes her head.

 

“My boyfriend,” she says, then hits the button to call him back without bothering to read the texts. She hopes he isn’t upset - usually, Poe is a pretty easy going guy. Doesn’t take up all of her time, as he’s got a busy athletic schedule and other friends to hang out with. Rey likes it, feeling like she’s still free to do her own thing. She doesn’t understand the other couples at school - like her best friends, Rose Tico and Finn Prince, who seem to be attached at the hip. They do  _ everything  _ together and get all depressed when they’re forced to spend time apart. Maybe it’s because they’re having sex, Rey thinks. She and Poe haven’t gotten that far yet.

 

Not that they don’t  _ want  _ to. They’ve pretty much done everything  _ but that.  _ It feels good. Poe is a great kisser and he smells nice and she likes to feel his warm hands on her breasts, between her legs. But… something keeps her from taking a leap to the next level. She doesn’t want things between them to change. 

 

Change, Rey has learned, is just too scary.

 

“Rey! I’ve been calling you all day.” Poe doesn’t sound pissed, just confused. She sighs in relief, misses the way that Ben is studying her. 

 

“I know, I just saw. I fell asleep. I’m visiting with my neighbor, Ben.” She rakes a hand through her messy ponytail, cups a hand around the back of her neck. 

 

“Oh. The one that’s all messed up from Iraq, right?” 

 

Rey winces and prays Ben doesn’t overhear. She doesn’t think Ben is messed up at all - but the word around town was that he came back with a ton of issues and injuries and had become a recluse. He’d only been home for a few days, but word travels fast in a small town. Especially when it was juicy. 

 

“He’s not… there’s nothing wrong with him,” Rey says softly, glancing to Ben. He’s openly watching her, not even pretending that he isn’t. She blushes deep red. 

 

“Oh. Cool. Anyway, we still on for later? Bowling with Finn and Rose?” 

 

“Uh, yeah. Pick me up at seven?” He confirms and they hang up. For some reason, the whole conversation was excruciating. Her stomach knots up as she turns to gaze at Ben. 

 

“Who was that?” Ben doesn’t pretend to sound disinterested. In fact, he sounds almost  _ angry.  _ There’s an edge to his voice that’s as sharp as a blade. Rey shivers under the intensity of his darkening eyes.

 

“My - my boyfriend. Poe.” Her heart beats hard against her ribs. Why was that so hard to say? It’s not like it matters to Ben, she’s still - and  _ always will be  _ \- his kid neighbor. Too young. Too childish. She feels oddly like crying.

 

“Boyfriend. Hm.” Ben drops the controller in his lap with a sigh. There’s a few long moments of silence before he cracks a grin at her. “Do we need to have The Talk?”

 

The tension breaks and Rey dissolved into a fit of giggles. It’s something the  _ old  _ Ben would’ve said and even as she laughs, it’s bittersweet. He’s just so… different now. Whatever he’s been through has changed him. Still, it’s nice to see a peek of the Ben she grew up with.

 

“God, no,” Rey says as she catches her breath. “Mom took care of that years ago. Right after Dad left.” She rolls her eyes, remembering that awkward fiasco, the advice her mother had given (“ _ you’d better give it up before he gets it someplace else,”  _ and “ _ but don’t get knocked up to stay together, it never works,”  _ complete with a handful of condoms and round container of daily birth control pills). 

 

“I didn’t know your dad left,” Ben says, face turning serious instantly. His brow furrowed. 

 

“It’s been a couple years.” She shifts anxiously. Rey hates discussing this, usually. But it feels good to tell Ben. He knew them as a family, he deserves to know that they aren’t anymore. “He was having an affair.”

 

“Rey, I’m so sorry. I had no idea.” 

 

She shrugs and gives him a weak smile. “I wrote to you, but I wasn’t sure if you got the letters. It sucked, at the time. But things are fine now,” she lies. She thinks of her mother snoring on the sofa, the empty bottles and cigarette packs littering the ground around where she sleeps. 

 

“If you ever want to talk about it,” Ben says, taking her hand in his, “I’m here for you.” 

 

Rey stares at where their skin touches. His hand is so much bigger than her own. It swallows hers up and she wonders how it would look on her body, cupping her breast -

 

_ You have a boyfriend, _ she thinks, mentally shaking herself. She couldn’t be thinking things like that. Not about Ben. Not with perfectly safe Poe waiting to pick her up and take her  _ bowling.  _

 

“Thanks. I actually better get going,” Rey says. She stands and stretches and pulls her hoodie back on. Ben doesn’t see her to the door. As she makes her way next door, shivering in the waning sunlight, she can’t help the shaky feeling that washes over her.

 

_ Coward,  _ she thinks. But Rey doesn’t quite know why. 

  
  
  


——

  
  
  


Ben waits upstairs in the living room. Leo’s is being weird because he hasn’t come out of the basement much, and doesn’t believe that he just wants to hang out with his mom and watch NCIS. 

 

Probably because it’s about the last thing he wants to do, next to spending another hour with Doctor Paige. But he’s too anxious to be alone. 

 

He can’t stop thinking of Rey. 

 

He can’t believe her dad is gone. He can’t believe she has a boyfriend. Or that she’s telling people he’s  _ messed up.  _ But most of all, he can’t get the idea that she’s out with some young punk high school kid, bowling, when he wants her to be  _ here.  _

 

There’s something wrong with him. Is he a pedophile? Technically she’s of legal age, and she certainly doesn’t  _ look _ like a child. But he can’t help but feel guilty. 

 

Leo’s turns in around nine thirty and reminds him to turn the television and lights off when he’s finished. Ben nods, despite feeling chastened. He goes out for a smoke and catches the car parked in front of Rey’s house again, the same Honda Civic with foggy windows. 

 

Something inside him snaps. Before his brain registers it, his feet are moving over the salted sidewalk and he stomps up to the car, tapping his fist against the window. He sees her small hand wipe away the condensation and the panic melting into recognition and irritation. Ben yanks the door open as Rey gasps. 

 

“Ben! What are you  _ doing?”  _ Rey cries, but he grabs her arm and yanks her into the freezing night. Her lips are swollen and he fights the urge to sucker punch her little boyfriend. 

 

“Come on, kiddo. Time to say goodbye to your friend,” Ben snarls. He’s gripping her too right probably, but he doesn’t care. The driver’s door slams and he catches sight of a medium height kid, baby faced, wearing a varsity jacket. 

 

“Dude! What the fuck!” Poe - that’s his name, Ben remembers - looks livid and slightly  _ scared  _ as he rounds the hood of his car. 

 

“It’s Rey’s curfew,” Ben says sarcastically. 

 

“Who the fuck is this guy?” Poe asks her, and she tries to jerk out of his grasp but Ben only holds her tighter. 

 

“This is Ben,” Rey says. She stops struggling against him. “He’s just being overprotective. Right Ben?”

 

He grins down at her. Overprotective. He likes the sound of that.

 

“Sure. Why don’t you go inside while I have a chat with Poe?” Ben asks, but it’s not truly a question. Rey must sense this - she mouths  _ sorry  _ to Poe before stomping up her driveway, into the darkened house. Ben watches until she slams the door and is safely inside before turning on Poe.

 

“Rey can take care of herself,” Poe says.

 

His hands curl into fists. “Rey is a good girl. She deserves respect. She deserves more than making out in your beater car late at night. Treat her better.” He takes a deep, steadying breath - satisfied with the shocked and guilty look on this kid’s face. He turns, ready to leave it at that, and limps back to his house with the searing anger in his gut cooling. 


	6. Chapter 6

Rey is fuming as she slams into her house. She takes her scarf and coat off aggressively, kicks her boots against the baseboard, and curses under her breath. _Who does he think he is?_ She grits her teeth and stomps around the kitchen, ignoring the pile of dishes in the sink and going straight for the fridge. There’s a tub of mint chip that she wants to devour, and she grabs a spoon before taking it upstairs. 

 

Her bedroom is the neatest room in the house. Her clothes are either in her dirty hamper or in their designated drawer. Her bed is made. Rey’s mother never comes in here, so she can’t drag her mess in. It seems everywhere the woman goes, it looks like a tornado swept through behind her. Rey remembers what it was like before her dad left, when the house was neat and tidy, welcoming. It hasn’t been like that in _years._ The place is better suited for Hoarders now.

 

Wrapping herself in a blanket, she digs into the ice cream with gusto. She tries not to imagine the look on Ben’s face - fired up, pink cheeks and eyes that sparkled like the stars above them. He had been so _angry._ And still so incredibly handsome. Seeing him like that _did things_ to her that Poe never has. She buries the thought as she stabs at her ice cream, pondering what his deal is. _Why_ was he so  upset? Because she was making out with her boyfriend?

 

And it wasn’t like they were having sex! She barely even let him out a hand up her shirt! They could’ve been doing much worse. Why was Ben so _upset_ about it? 

 

It’s not like he’s her father. It’s not like he can just slip into that role. She doesn’t _need_ another father figure. She doesn’t want Ben to think of her like that. Rey wants him to be her _friend_ again, like when they were young. When she could tell him anything without fear of him… acting like _that._ Shaking her head, she licks the spoon and prays that Poe isn’t too upset with her.

 

She finishes the carton and tosses it in her trash can before slouching down under the covers. Rey is still irritated when she falls asleep - and in the morning, when she wakes.

  
  


——

  
  


Ben is on the porch, enjoying his coffee and a smoke, when Rey stomps up the wooden steps and onto the porch. She’s wearing pink pajama pants with tiny penguins all over them and her coat thrown over a matching top. Her hair is half-falling out of a ponytail, giving him the impression that she rolled right out of bed and marched herself over to him.

 

“Good morning,” he says with an easy grin. He’s still riding high after telling her little boyfriend off. 

 

“Hi.” She glares at him. “So, last night was totally inappropriate.” She folds her arms over her chest and narrows her pretty hazel eyes at him. Ben frowns. 

 

“I agree. You shouldn’t let him feel you up in his _car_ where anyone could find you. What if a cop had showed up? Or some psycho killer with a hook hand?” Ben studies her, watching her face go bright pink. He’s right, he knows he’s right.

 

“You don’t get to decide who I let _feel me up,”_ Rey says in a low voice, glancing towards the storm door. Leia is just inside, and Rey would probably die from embarrassment if his mother overheard their conversation. “I meant _you_ were inappropriate, Ben.”

 

He sips his coffee and takes a pull from his cigarette. He doesn’t see _how_ \- he was protecting her. Making sure she was safe, that her boyfriend understood he needed to treat her with more respect. Maybe because of her age, she just couldn’t see it rationally.

 

“You said yourself last night, Rey. I was looking out for you.” 

 

“I said you were _overprotective!_ There’s a difference!” Rey exclaims, throwing her hands up. Her pajama shirt lifts to reveal a strip of her pale stomach, the divet of her belly button. Suddenly, his mouth goes dry. What he wouldn’t give to taste her skin, so soft and creamy looking. She must notice his gaze because she yanked her shirt down and breathed out harshly. 

 

“Look, I’m sorry if I … embarrassed you, Rey. I just think a girl like you deserves better. Your boyfriend should treat you better than some -“ he cuts himself off, but Rey isn’t going to let him off the hook.

 

“Like what, Ben? Say it. Please say it.” Her eyes shimmer in the morning sunshine and he exhales slowly.

 

“Like a _slut.”_

 

She gasps as though he’s slapped her. The tears roll down her cheeks. His chest feels too tight, like he can’t take a deep enough breath. _Fuck._ He has never liked - or been able to stand - seeing her cry. Not when she was a kid, not now. Even though she looks so beautiful and sleep-rumpled and so delicate, he loathes that he’s the one to cause her tears.

 

“Maybe I am a slut. Maybe I’m fucking the whole varsity team. It doesn’t matter because _that’s my choice._ Screw you, Ben! You _left_. You don’t get to tell me what to do now.” She leaves then, stomping through the snow and sniffling loudly. 

 

Ben turns to watch her go, speechless. 

 

All he wanted was to keep her safe. She doesn’t know the dangers of the world - not like him. She’s never had to pull a man off some innocent woman, never seen the child prostitutes with their sad eyes and broken bodies. He clenches his fist so hard, knuckles turning white. It’s hard to breathe. 

 

He pitches his smoke with a wheeze and heads inside. Leia is on her way out to head to the library for the day, but one look at him and she’s dropping her purse on the table in the hall and rushing to him. Her face is creased with concern.

 

“I need -“ he wheezes. “Anxiety med.”

 

Leia hurries to the kitchen and brings him a pill and some water. His chest feels like a rubber band is stretched around it, restricting his breathing, and his hands are tingling. He takes the pill and chugs down the water.

 

“I’m calling Paige,” Leia declares. Ben nods before finding a seat on the couch, willing the meds to work. All he can see is the hurt in Rey’s face and wishes so badly it hadn’t been him to put it there. 


	7. Chapter 7

“And she just - _ blew up  _ on me. Because I want better for her. Like, she’s better than the back seat of some shitty Civic with some punk that’s gonna turn around and brag about it to his little football buddies. I don’t get it - I don’t get why she flipped out on me. Okay,” Ben says, putting up his hands in acquiescence, “I shouldn’t have called her a slut. That was bad and I’ll apologize for that immediately. But  _ she  _ needs to apologize too.”

 

Paige purses her lips thoughtfully and taps the yellow legal pad where she’s taking notes with her pen. Ben shifts uneasily. He still isn’t a fan of these little meetings. But after yesterday, the  _ panic attack  _ and Rey yelling at him and feeling worse than the scum of the earth for calling her  _ that…  _ he wouldn’t say he looked forward to meeting his therapist but he  _ would  _ say it was probably necessary.

 

“Honestly Ben, it sounds like you overreacted.” Paige tilts her head to study him. He feels like something under a microscope. Her dark eyes are too observant and off putting. Ben wonders idly if she has a boyfriend and if she analyzed everything  _ he  _ says too.

 

“I can’t control when the anxiety hits me, it just feels like I’m having a heart attack…” he grumbles self consciously. A big band cards through his hair and his good knee begins to jiggle. Paige watches and notices everything. 

 

“No. I meant confronting Rey and her boyfriend.” She crosses her legs and balances her notepad on her knee. Ben’s eyes snap up like elastic up to hers and he frowns. Paige lifts a hand to stop him before he can get started. “Hear me out: look at this from Rey’s perspective. She’s eighteen. She can legally be making out with whomever she wants. Making out in cars is  _ normal  _ for high schoolers. What she was doing - and who she was doing it with - was her choice.”

 

“It was a bad choice,” Ben snaps.

 

She shrugs. “Still her bad choice to make.”

 

“I just - couldn’t stand the thought of something happened to her. Now that her dad is gone… she doesn’t have someone to look after her. Guide her.” He shifts uncomfortably. It’s not exactly right, it’s not the way he feels, but he doesn’t know how else to describe the way his heart clenches up in his chest or the hollow feeling in his stomach when he thinks of Rey with someone else. 

 

“That’s not your job, Ben. Your her friend. Not her father.” Paige smiles kindly, like she knows something he doesn’t. “Have you ever considered that perhaps  _ your  _ feelings have something to do with why you got so upset?”

 

“My feelings?” Ben parrots with wide eyes. 

 

“Yes. Your feelings for Rey.” Paige nods. 

 

“I - she’s - she’s my neighbor. She was like my little sister. We grew up together.” Ben’s brow furrows in confusion. He doesn’t mention the way his dick reacts when he notices just how much she’s grown up. He can feel his ears growing hot with shame - he wasn’t supposed to think of her like that.

 

“Ben. Come on.” Paige chuckles. “You have to realize that your feelings for Rey go much deeper than that.” Her dark eyes are sparkling mischievously and Ben stares back at her blankly. 

 

“I don’t… she’s too young…”

 

“There’s only a few years between you. Rey is an adult and it sounds like everyone sort of treats her that way already. If you have feelings for Rey,” Paige says with one of her warm, all-knowing grins, “I think you should tell her. Explain  _ better  _ why you were so upset with her and her boyfriend. Not some misplaced fatherly  sense of duty. Because you care about her. You  _ like - like  _ her.”

 

Ben scoffs. But… he didn’t outright disagree. 

 

He thinks of all the things he likes about her. She has a big heart - bigger than anyone he’s ever known. How she takes care of his mother and even  _ him _ in bringing video games and driving him to appointments. How she can make him laugh so easily. How comfortable he felt spending time with her, just the two of them, never running out of things to say. 

 

He thinks about how beautiful she is. How her body had matured, the little glimpses he’s seen of it. The curve of her small tits under her t-shirts and her long, shapely legs. Her face, those full pink lips just begging to be kissed… 

 

“Ben?” Paige asks gently. He glances up, realizing he’s totally zoned out with a sheepish blush. “So maybe you should explore those feelings and discuss them with Rey?” She nods encouragingly. 

 

“Yeah,” he sighs out gustily. “Maybe you’re right.”

 

“Alert the press!” Paige exclaims with a proud smile. “I think this was a breakthrough. You’re making progress.” 

 

It didn’t feel like  _ progress  _ \- but it was something. 

 

——

 

Rey sighs and chucks her copy of Great Expectations to the floor. She can’t focus. Perched up in her window seat in the attic, she stares out at the snow-covered neighborhood feeling melancholy. 

 

It feels like everything is spinning out of control and there’s no way to fix it. 

 

Things with her mom are so bad. She’s miserable - she just wants things to go back to how they were before. When her dad was still around and Mom cooked dinners every night. When Rey didn’t have to take care of everything on her own. When she didn’t have to come up to the attic to escape the hoarded mess downstairs. Things weren’t great, but at least her parents had been trying. Now, her mother has given up. Bills come with Final Notice stamped on the front and she doesn’t know what to do with them.

 

Then there’s  _ Poe.  _ She groans to herself softly, scrubbing a hand over her face. He’s been so pushy lately - trying to get her to go further and further. A month ago, Rey was right there with him. Hot and heavy and her body eager for his explorations. Now, she froze up when he tried to get his hands down her pants. She twisted away when he tried to lift her shirt. She could  _ feel  _ how annoyed he was with her, his frustration rolling off in hostile waves. 

 

_ What’s wrong with me?  _ Rey wonders. All of her girlfriends have done it with mixed results and she had been so impatient to find out for herself… but now… 

 

Now Ben is back. And she can’t help but wonder what it would be like with  _ him.  _

 

He’s so big. And strong. The size of his hands makes her feel hot between her thighs and his deep, dark eyes melt her. It’s like he was built with her in mind, everything that turns her on put together in him. She wonders what it would feel like to be under his strong body. How his soft lips would feel on her own, and other places.

 

“Rey?” 

 

As if thinking of him had conjured him, she hears his voice calling from the hall below the ladder. Instantly, her heart is pounding. No one has been in their house in years. He’s seen the mess, the disastrous state of their home. The secret she’s been keeping for  _ so long.  _

 

“Rey? I’m coming up,” he says, like a warning, and she jumps to her feet quickly and hastily combs a hand through her messy chestnut curls. His head and shoulders appear through the narrow opening and then the rest of him. Her mouth goes dry as he ducks under the slanted roof of the attic - their attic, it used to be  _ theirs. _

 

“Ben - I -“ 

 

He crosses the room in a few long strides as captures her cheeks in his big hands. Then his lips are descending upon hers, and Rey closes her eyes. 


	8. Chapter 8

Ben knocks on the door and when no one answers, he frowns. The light is on in the attic. He knows that she’s up there - car in the driveway, light on - she has to be home. Before he can lose momentum, he twists the knob and the door squeaks open. 

 

“Hello?” he calls. He steps inside. 

 

It’s been years since he was inside the Jones’ home but he always remembered it smelling of laundry and candles. Fresh baked bread. Remembered the neat shelves chocked full of tchotchkes and other decorative knick knacks.  His eyes rove over the entryway and into the dining room, and his jaw drops in shock.

 

The place is…  _ more  _ than a mess.

 

There are stacks of trash bags hemorrhaging clothing. Newspapers piled up along the baseboards. There is a narrow path he can barely wade through with his bad leg. He reaches the living room archway and peers in - the smell is  _ bad.  _ Cigarettes and unwashed body and rotting food. There are plates under a coffee table and trash - old food containers and tissues and empty bottles - everywhere. It’s disgusting. It’s horrifying.  _ It’s sad.  _

 

He notices the lumpy form of Mrs. Jones in the sofa beneath a tattered old blanket and shakes his head. This was no way for a human to live. Let alone Rey, someone he  _ loves.  _ She doesn’t deserve this, she can’t be the reason  _ why. _

 

The further into the house he gets, the worse the mess becomes. This is worse than a mess, his brain corrects. This is illness. This is something that needs  _ help  _ and a dumpster. It’s dangerous for a man like him to navigate with his damaged body. Ben thinks he shouldn’t be here, he shouldn’t risk added injury but he needs to see Rey and he needs to fix what happened between them. 

 

The ladder is pulled down once he makes it upstairs. He glances around at the hoard of  _ crap  _ that surrounds him and calls out her name. She doesn’t respond but he can hear movement. Rey is up there.

 

“Rey? I’m coming up,” he announces. Ben eyes the ladder nervously but he’s come this far. Lucky he took a painkiller before coming over. He grasps a rung and pulls himself up, careful not to put too much weight on his bad leg. It doesn’t take long - adrenaline is starting to course through him - and he pops his head through to see Rey standing in front of the window seat, waiting for him.

 

It’s neat as a pin up there. Everything in its place and no trash to be found. His heart clenches for her. It aches. The mess isn’t her fault - it’s just something she is forced to live with. It’s not fair. 

 

“Ben - I -“

 

He doesn’t know what overcomes him. He closes the distance between them in a few long strides and grabs her face, leans down and kisses her. Their first kiss happened here - it makes sense that their second does too. 

 

She is so small and soft under his hands and she tastes so good. Rey,  _ his  _ Rey, perfect and waiting for him. He thinks about the years spent apart, the years that he missed. Maybe it would be harder to see her as a woman if he had watched the process, been able to see her mature into a beautiful woman. See all the awkward stages that lead her final form. But he didn’t, he left and he stayed gone and he missed it. 

 

He tilts his head to deepen the kiss. Tongue traces her full bottom lip until she opens for him. The soft breathy noise she makes is stunning. It makes his blood run hotter and his spine shiver. She tastes as sweet as she sounds and for all the world Ben can’t find a reason for waiting. In this moment, nothing can stop him. Nothing can keep him from sliding his hands down her back, each vertebrae of her spine under his fingers and and the subtle curve of her hips. She doesn’t feel too young - not as her hands tangle in his hair to drag him down closer.

 

“Ben,” she gasps when they break apart to breathe. 

 

He doesn’t want to talk. He wants to touch her. He  _ needs  _ to touch her. Pain shoots up his thigh as he crouches slightly to capture her lips again. Ben ignores it. His dick is twitching to life as she clings to him, needy and greedy. He could kiss her for hours, forever. 

 

“Sit,” Rey says, pulling him back to the window seat. It creaks under his weight and she climbs up in his lap, straddling him and Ben thinks this is a much better position. Her breasts are closer to his face and her slight weight pressing on his cock. 

 

She’s likes little animal on top of him. Her hands can’t decide where to stay - carding through his hair, cupping his face, traveling the topography of his chest and arms. She kisses him wildly, tongue fighting for dominance as she perched on top of him. This was perfect - his abdomen clenched with need as she moaned softly into his mouth. This was the best thing he had ever felt. He didn’t deserve it -

 

“Rey,” he says, pulling back abruptly. She gazes at him with heavy-lidded eyes and swollen lips and he wishes he could take a picture, remember this list-crazy look on her beautiful face. “Rey, what the fuck is happening downstairs?”

 

“I have it under control,” Rey says dismissively. She lurches forward for his lips again but Ben pulls back out of her reach.

 

“What’s wrong with her?”

 

“Depression. I think. I don’t want to talk about that.” Rey moves her lips to his throat since he’s resisting her mouth. A low groan rumbles out of him as her lips blaze a trail to his clavicle.  _ Fuck. Hot.  _

 

“She needs help,” Ben tries weakly.

 

“I know. I don’t want to talk about it,” Rey repeats with a growl before capturing his earlobe with a tug of teeth. It makes his hips jerk up against her. 

 

“I’m sorry - about calling you a slut,” Ben says as he starts to pant. Her hand snakes down between them to palm the front of his jeans and the pressure and knowledge that this is Rey, his grown up  _ Rey _ , makes his eyes roll back in his head. This feels so good but spinning wildly out of control and he should stop it, the responsible thing would be to talk it out - 

 

But she slides off his lap and finds her knees between his parted thighs and reaches for his fly. She almost  _ glares  _ at him as she tugs open his pants. Challenging him to stop her. One small hand reaches in to free him and he gasps when she wraps her fist around him and gives an experimental tug.

 

“ _ Rey.” _

 

She laps at the head as he stares at her in awe. “Have you done this before?” He knows it’s weird - probably a bad thing to ask. But he wants to know. Rey shakes her head  _ no  _ and kisses the tip, wet with pre-cum, before taking him fully between her lips and sucking. 

 

It feels amazing. He doesn’t remember the last time he had a blow job. She’s inexperienced but enthusiastic and any thoughts of conversation go straight out the window. Rey tried taking him deep but pulls back with a gag that makes his toes curl. Pleasure slithers down his spine as she licks and sucks him, curling in his belly. Ben tried to keep his eyes open but it’s so hard, as overwhelmed as he is with the sensation of her perfect, pretty fucking mouth working over his dick.

 

It doesn’t take long before he grabs her ponytail to pull her off. “I’m going to come,” he says, staring at the wet, shiny look of her mouth. Her lips are swollen. It’s fucking perfect. 

 

“That’s the point,” Rey says, leaning forward to wrap her fist around what doesn’t fit in her mouth. A few pumps and he’s grabbing her hair again, holding her in place, and orgasming down the back of her throat with a grunt. Her hazel eyes are on him the entire time. 

 

After he catches his breath, heart racing like he’d sprinted a marathon, Ben pulls her into his lap. They have a lot to talk about, but he needs a moment. He could live forever in the quiet moments with her curled against him. It feels like the calm before a storm. 


	9. Chapter 9

“We don’t have to talk about it,” Rey says, stretching up to kiss his cheek before standing. She smooths her hands over her clothes and turns her back to him. They don’t need to talk about anything,  _ ever.  _ She can’t believe she just sucked his dick - just kneeled down between his thick thighs and took him in her mouth. She’s scandalizes by her own indecency but lust still pounds through her veins, despite her embarrassment. 

 

“You know that we do,” Ben replies. She doesn’t want to look at him. She doesn’t want to see the pity on his handsome features, feeling bad for her. Rey has it under control. She has  _ everything  _ under control. 

 

Except, perhaps, her feelings for  _ him.  _

 

She’s supposed to be in love with Poe. She’s supposed to be a high school senior, making mistakes and learning as she goes. But Ben, what she feels for him and how  _ big  _ it is, bigger than her body, bigger than  _ anything  _ she’s felt before… he’s like an unexpected curveball throwing her life off trajectory. 

 

“She needs help. You can’t live like this, baby.” Desire throbs between her legs at the pet name and she whirls around. He looks sad - almost defeated - staring back at her. But there is no pity, just understanding in his dark eyes, and maybe that is even  _ worse.  _

 

“Ever since Dad left,” Rey begins softly, “she’s changed. Like the light went out of her, like her will to do  _ anything  _ has just… it’s too much for her. I’ve tried - Ben, I tried  _ so hard  _ to help but -“ she covers her mouth as a sob threatens to bubble out. Ben eases up, limping slightly with his pants still hanging open, and wraps his strong arms around her. “I tried to be perfect, Ben. I tried to pretend like it wasn’t happening - and  _ you… _ ” Rey shakes her head. The hot press of tears behind her eyes burns and a lump develops in her throat, aching harshly as she tries to fight the onslaught of emotion she’s been burying down for so long. 

 

“It’s ok,” he says, stroking her hair and holding her tight. “It’s ok, I’m here. I’m gonna help you, Rey. We’re going to figure this out.” 

 

“They’ll take me away, Ben! They’ll put me in a foster home - I’ll never see you again,” Rey says weakly, fisting the material of his shirt. That’s the worst thing she can imagine now - not leaving her mother or her friends or Pie -  _ fuck _ , she forgot all about him. She  _ cheated  _ on him. “I don’t deserve you,” she murmurs. 

 

Ben pulls back to gaze at her. “You got that backwards, baby. If any of us doesn’t deserve each other, it’s me.”

 

“No, Ben. You’re so good,” Rey whimpers, cupping his stubbly cheeks and peering into his dark eyes. “You are - you’re so good, you’re so good Ben, you’re the best-“ She stands on tiptoe to pepper little kisses over every inch of his face that her lips can reach. He groans so softly, Rey thinks she imagined it - until his arms slide around her waist and he tugs her flush against him. 

 

“You’re too sweet,” Ben murmurs. “Too fucking sweet, baby.” 

 

“Kiss me,” she sighs. “Please kiss me.” Rey wants to forget - she wants him to  _ make her  _ forget anything outside of the chilly, dusty attic where all of this started years ago. When he first kissed her, making her skin flush and the world tilt on its access.

 

“We’re not done,” Ben growls, and then his lips are crushed against hers into a bruising, intense kiss that makes her toes curl. Their tongues dance in a delicious rhythm that has her moaning softly, pulling at his clothes, desperate for so much more. She leans back, breaking the embrace to blink up at him.

 

“I want you,” she says firmly. “I want  _ all  _ of you.”

 

“You don’t know what that means -“

 

“I’m not a kid, I’m not stupid.” Rey glares at him. She aches between her thighs, desperate and greedy for attention. She rubs her chest against his, pebbled nipples against the firm, warm wall of his front. “Please, Ben - make me feel better.”

 

He doesn't say anything but moves away, lowering himself to the mismatched carpet. Rey follows, climbing on top of him. Her legs straddle his waist as she leans over to kiss him again. Her heart pounds against her ribs as he strokes up her sides, dragging her shirt up and revealing her golden skin to explore. 

 

“You sure?” Ben asks quietly. “I can’t - I don’t know if I can stop once we start.”

 

A pulse of need shoots through her. Rey nods. “I’m sure.”

 

He undresses her slowly, taking his time. Rey is on fire, impatient, and tears her top off, tossing it away. Her breasts, bared to his eyes, seem small but he doesn’t care. Ben lifts his hands to cup them, thumbs stroking over the hardened peaks of her nipples. She feels so needy and  _ hot  _ as he touches her, stoking the flames between her hips to a fever pitch. She feels so empty, longing to be filled, and she rocks her hips against him. The friction isn’t nearly enough. “Ben,” she whines.

 

He rolls them and she wiggles free of her pants while he yanks his shirt over his head. She wants to marvel at the marbled muscle of his torso and chest but one hand cups her mound and she is lost to the sensation. 

 

“That’s it,” Ben encourages as she arches against his palm. He’s rubbing right over where she needs him the most. 

 

“Please - more, Ben,” she cries, eyes squeezing shut as her hips leave the ground. He carefully works her panties down before gliding a finger between her wet lips. She’s soaked, Rey knows this, and she blushes a little at the wanton display of around. 

 

“God, I could eat you up-“

 

“Just - inside me. Please, want you inside of me,” Rey blathers, desperate to be fully connected to him. Ben tried to roll fully on top of her but she hears the rough hiss when his knee hits the floor. She takes the initiative and pushes him flat on his back, climbing on top once more. His erection is digging into her butt and she scoots back to pull him out again. Without words, he grasps her hips and watches, biting his full bottom lip, as she lines them up and begins to sink down onto him.

 

“Fuck,” he gasps, fingertips biting into her hips. “Fuck, Rey.”

 

It burns - the stretch is nearly unbearable but she’s so wet and she wants him too much to stop. Slowly, inch by inch, he sinks into her channel and Rey’s fingernails bite into his chest as she adjusts to the invasion. It takes a moment for them both to catch their breath when he’s fully seated. 

 

“You’re so big,” Rey whimpers as she grinds down, the alien sensation of her splitting her open just  _ this side  _ of being too much. She lifts and drops on him, making Ben toss his dark head back and squeeze his eyes shut. The reaction spikes her pleasure. She does it again, and again, finding a slow rhythm that builds both of them up, until she’s moaning wordlessly as her desire reignites.

 

“I’ve wanted this for so long,” Rey says, twisting her hips and sliding down. “I always loved you.”

 

“Baby, fuck - I love you too,” Ben pants.

 

It doesn’t take long - she clenches up as she finds her peak, pleasure rushing over her and making her shake apart. She can’t hold herself up as her muscles flutter around his thick cock. She moans as she collapses against his chest, and Ben pumps a few more times before shoving himself as deeply as he can go. She feels him coming inside of her, feels him trembling and hears him curse under his breath. It’s too much - it’s never going to be enough. Rey sighs, content as he wraps her in his arms. 

 

It takes a while to catch their breath, but they have all the time in the world up in their attic. It’s safe and warmed by their body heat, and Rey wishes she could stay right here, in his arms, forever. 


End file.
